Are you listening? (No, really listening?)
“Listening may be the single most powerful action a leader can take.” (Peter Block)
In our last posts, we talked about managers (and other decision-makers) approaching change differently. One key shift is to recognize, and be comfortable with, the notion that you cannot know everything.
For example, you may observe a process or procedure, and believe that it should be done in another way. However, you are not familiar with the day-to-day, or on-the-ground aspects of that process and how or why they are important to the outcomes.
At the same time, forward-thinking managers also acknowledge that, no matter how they perceive a situation, it is their viewpoint, and that others may see it differently. Not necessarily wrong, but not in the same way, as everyone comes from different places, different backgrounds, and has different ways of doing different things.
So we suggested that once a situation-to-be-changed is presented (the situation, NOT the solutions), that the manager then listen to what the others have to say.
As long as you don’t interrupt, or get distracted, that shouldn’t be too hard, right?
Well, good listening is hard. Moreover, as Steven Covey pointed out, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
Good listening is a skill and an art that can help you understand better (both the people speaking to you as well as the ideas), lead better, and build trust. And we have learned that change happens at the speed of trust.
Again, according to Mr. Covey (1) , we tend to do one (or more) of four things as we are listening:
To evaluate what the speaker is saying, and note whether we agree or not;
To probe, to ask questions from our own frame of reference;
To advise and suggest solutions to the problem;
To Interpret the speaker’s rationale based on our own experiences and point of view.
This is all human nature. However, we need to start letting go of the idea that as managers/professionals, we know what we need to know – and break away from the habits listed above.
So if we are a manager (or anyone who wants to have a meaningful conversation for whatever reason), and we really want to hear and understand (be good listeners to) what others are saying, what could/should we do?
Keep in mind that listening is not just hearing the words the speaker is saying. It is also about hearing what they are not saying, and about their body language as they say it. And it is also about what they mean, which is a combination of all of the above.
Be curious. Listen to learn where the speaker is coming from, how she or he arrived at the point they are making. This will reveal itself through the speaker’s words, tone, and body language. This understanding will broaden your perception of the conversation/topic at hand, and if you are addressing a situation, give you more information with which to decide how to move forward.
When really listening, be present. Focus on the speaker. Do not look at your phone, at documents, or other people or things. If your mind wanders, bring it right back. Look the speaker in the eye, show encouragement (head nodding, smiling).
Summarize “this is what I am hearing” as a way to affirm what you are understanding – and that you are listening.
Ask questions – ask open-ended questions (“Can you say more about that?”) and ask them in a way that does not appear to be judgmental (eg, instead of “Why haven’t you …?” ask, “What’s holding you back?” Or, instead of “Why did you do that?”, ask “What was the driving force/motivation for that?”). Ask in a way that focuses on their thinking, not yours. Use “you”, not “I”.
Let’s start to let our listening drive our own speaking and understanding.
(1) as cited in Genevieve Colman’s article, How to Master the Art of Listening, in the Zapier.com blog post of Dec 8, 2016.
